Out of Control

I never thought that I was a controlling person, but apparently I was wrong- and the last few weeks have proved it.

As the teacher of 75 walking hormone fiascos, I thought I was used to accepting that I couldn't control other people, or circumstances. I also thought that I had "figured it out" a really long time ago- or at the very least, when we decided to adopt. Once my body started to go haywire, I realized that there were things out of my control, and I was done learning the lesson, right? Oh brother.

That gem is me, at approximately 2 years old, pretending I was pregnant. My mom was pregnant with my sister, and I went around with a baby in the front of my dress (or stuck in a nightgown, as pictured). I knew I wanted to be MY mom (obviously, because she's awesome), but I also knew that I wanted to be A mom. I never remember a single moment in my life when I didn't want to be a mom- I even broke up with a guy in high school because I thought he'd be a terrible dad. That was an awkward conversation, let me tell you. In all of those moments, the idea that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant never, ever, ever occurred to me. Talk about something you can't control.

Time to make some adoptive parents laugh- I somehow thought adoption would be easier in the sense that we'd have more control! I jinxed us big time.  Not only did we give so much of our control to people we don't necessarily know (our home study agency, our placing agency, social workers and lawyers in RMI, people writing our referrals, people conducting background checks, and so on), but we also have had to trust the timelines of other people.

While I was visiting family in California, we had a paperwork snafu and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt utterly helpless. We have a bill due once we are finished meeting with our social worker, and we're still $3k short. We were waiting and waiting for a phone call, only to find out that it had come in to the house line we rarely check and don't usually give the number to. URG! Can't we hurry it up? Can't everything just go smoothly? Can't we just bring our baby home, for Poe's sake?!?

Really, this is the tip of the iceberg, and I still find myself startled by how out of control we feel- shouldn't we be used to this by now? At the same time, it's so good for us in the long run- such a painful, but good, way to grow. But is it a bad sign that I feel out of control before the baby's even home?


Updates/ opportunities to help:
We've been assigned a social worker, huzzah! It's the last major step for our home study. That's our update on that front.

SUPER SHORT NOTICE! We are having a garage sale THIS upcoming Saturday at 8 am at our place- 13350 Sw Village Glenn in Tigard. Be there or be square! This will be the first garage sale of several probably, but we've got some pretty great stuff. ALSO, a friend came up with a great idea- $10 buy-in for a Friday night preview of the goods! Send Paul or I a text if you're interested.

We're still selling Just Love Coffee, and we've been getting it ourself- it's delicious! I absolutely recommend it.

Thank you again for everything- your love, support, excitement, and well wishes all mean SO MUCH.