We knew that adopting- and writing a blog about our adoption- would open us up for conversations, both good and bad. Talking about adoption is simultaneously my favorite thing AND my least favorite thing. While it's something we're obviously super passionate about and some of the conversations are uplifting and lovely, there are also a lot of times when the conversation is at best untimely, and at worst, super offensive. Mostly, though, they're somewhere in-between… good and weird and slightly uncomfortable but worth it… kind of like adoption.
We are always happy to have these conversations, even the awkward ones. Most are pretty great, and we're glad that people care enough to ask. These are some of the common ones, good and bad.
Convo #1: "Can you have your own kids?" First of all, my adoptive kid(s) will be my own. Also, yes, let's have the infertility conversation in this group of people, Ms. Perfect Stranger.
Convo #2: "(laughing) You're not going to adopt from Africa, are you?" (Yes, this was actually said to us. Really.) There are variations of this too, all making jokes about international adoption before people realize that we are, in fact, adopting internationally. There's no good way to respond to this, either, because there's so much that we want to say, but it's falling on deaf ears. Also in this: super racist comments that people don't think are racist. Yikes.
Convo #3: "Do you have kids?" This is no one's fault, but it's rough. I get asked that A LOT, and there was a time when it would have been worse, because we didn't know if we'd ever have kids and it's not the kind of question that a stranger expects you to cry about- but now, it's awkward because I don't know how to respond. I'm not pregnant, so we can't say yes yet, but we also are going to have a baby in the nearish future, so…………….? How do we respond? Yes? No? Sort of? I heard one adoptive mom that proudly adopted the term "expectant mother", but it's still a strange feeling. Especially with Mother's Day coming around, I'm not sure how to answer, but it comes up a lot.
Convo #4: "So do you have your baby yet?" I have a student that asked me this THE DAY AFTER he found out I was adopting. This is one of the funny ones- he clearly has no idea what's going on. Oddly enough, though, Paul's been asked this too- and not by children- and it reminds us that not everyone has gotten to see this process before. We probably said the same things before we watched our friends Chad and Courtney adopt, because we didn't know, but it still makes us laugh.
Convo #5: "When will you have your baby/ when are you leaving?" If only we knew, friend.
Updates: Our home study is being written right now! This will still take a bit to be finished, but we're done with education hours ad stuff for the moment.
Our garage sale yesterday was rained out, but our garage is filled to the max again, so we're having it next Saturday, rain or shine. Anyone interested in helping hang clothes on Friday should let me know- we're trying to stage as much as possible in the garage, so we'll be borrowing ladders and brooms to create makeshift clothes racks. We have TONS of new stuff, thanks to a handful of donations that have trickled in and an ENORMOUS donation from our amazing (former) neighbors- they let us raid their garage because they're downsizing and couldn't take everything with them. Join us next Saturday (10th) from 8am- 2pm!
As always, we love you and we're so thankful for your support!
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