The practical perspective:
Adoption makes sense for our family. As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease (during the most stressful week of my life) three and a half years ago. What not many people know was that this came as one in a series of diagnoses over the span of about two years, determining that I had four different hormone-related diseases/conditions. None of these mean we can't conceive- we have not received a diagnosis of infertility- but it's been difficult for us. We knew that fertility treatments, if we attempted them, would create a potentially long, difficult, painful road for us. The expense of fertility treatments was additionally difficult for us to consider, when we knew that it might not work, and a similar amount of money would allow us to bring home a child that already existed and needed a family to care for him/her.
We also knew that in our families ran heart disease, alcoholism, mental illness, diabetes, and a whole host of other things that make our genes kind of a cesspool. Why attempt to force that into a baby? Yikes. If we conceived a girl, as well, there's roughly a 75% chance she would end up with most of my hormonal complications.
We decided a while ago that we didn't want to pursue fertility treatments for these reasons, and chose adoption instead.
The emotional perspective:
I love kids. I have known and loved children that were in no way mine- kids that go home to other parents, parents that love them, and parents that don't. My heart has broken for these kids, been overwhelmed with pride on their behalf- loving kids is easy. It has never, ever entered my mind that I would not be able to love the child that comes home with us, and it breaks my heart to consider that for some children, there is no one to show them that love.
Paul, on the other hand, likes kids well enough- he sort of views them as cute aliens. He doesn't instantly grab someone's newborn, and this wasn't a very emotional process for him, even though he is really, really excited. It seems natural for people at our stage to have murky emotions- we don't know anything at all about our child, and we're operating on a lot of faith.
The silver lining perspective:
I owe a lot of this to a close friend, so let me explain. Several years ago, I was having a rough go of it. I couldn't understand why we weren't pregnant, I avoided baby showers like the plague, and I was bitter- not something I'm proud of, but there it is. I was working with a woman that literally got me through that. She and her husband had planned on adoption from the get-go, and she was thrilled at its prospect. Being one of the more quick-witted people I know, she would make me laugh about the silver linings in not being pregnant- my feet stay the same size, I don't have to run to the bathroom all the time, etc.- and a weight was slowly lifted off of me. I grieved still, obviously, but I was also rejoicing in the idea of what we wouldn't have to go through instead of lamenting over all of the things I was missing. Beyond the hope she instilled in me, she was my silver lining, and she's probably gagging over how cheesy this is. The reality was, however, that she gave me a new lens to view this through- not only was this the best option, but it was an awesome one.
The right-place-at-the-right-time perspective:
About five years ago, I pulled aside one of my best friends in the middle of a conference and told her I thought Paul and I would adopt. I had no idea at this point that we were going to have fertility issues, nor did I have any idea how we would go about this- I just felt like it was where we were headed. Not long after, I met a family that was in the middle of their first adoption, and she- the mother- graciously let me ask her every inappropriate question I could think of (and then her husband let Paul do the same). I honestly wish I could say that we would have adopted if we hadn't known her, but I truthfully don't know. Her family set our feet on this path, whether she knew it or not. She continues to answer any inappropriate questions, shares awkward stories with me, and thankfully never slapped me when I said unintentionally rude things (like asking if she could have "her own" kids. BARF. If you've ever seen her kids, you would know that they are hers, whether or not their skin color matches. Collectively, as a world of people that say rude things accidentally, can we please get in the habit of saying "bio kids" or something? It's an ignorance that we don't even notice, and I made the mistake a million times. Please, please, please be careful about inferring that adopted kids are not our own.).
Also, during this time, we met our wonderful friends that inspired our decision to adopt from the Marshall Islands- if you haven't read about it, you should so I don't rehash it all in the middle of this already long post.
The idealism perspective:
We believe, wholeheartedly, that adoption is a worthy calling. We also believe that we don't live in a culture where adoption is talked about much, or it's relegated to crazy people and celebrities. We are thrilled at the idea that, in a small way, our family can help to change that. Adoption can, and should, be happening more often. The more people that adopt, the easier the process should become, worldwide. This doesn't necessarily mean everyone should adopt, but everyone can help somehow- case in point, all you lovely people that have been so wonderful to us! Without help, people that are interested in adoption might not be able to- those that help in a myriad of ways are just as vital to changing the culture of adoption.
Please know that adoption is not a runner-up decision, and it is not a consolation prize. Even if we could conceive, we would still adopt. It's become rooted in who we are, and we're thankful for that.
Updates:
Nothing to speak of- paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork- although we're nearing the end of this phase. Now we're on to education hours- wahoo!
To all that have offered to help, THANK YOU. We are continuing to figure out fundraising options, and we will post more. Until next week, we love you all!
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