Terrified

If I had to describe my mood one year ago today, it would have been terrified. Perhaps the scariest day of my life, to be honest, though I know that means that I've had a relatively charmed existence. It was the day that I got the email inviting us to join the Marshall Islands program.

Why on earth would this be terrifying?

To be clear, I'm going to talk about my thought process, not Paul's, and I'll start from the beginning, because I've heard from enough people that have walked through this thought process to know that it's important to talk about. Long post with some less pleasant things, so yeah, you've been warned.

Roughly 6 years ago, I told one of my best friends that I thought Paul and I wouldn't have biological kids. Let me tell you- this feeling came out of nowhere, and hit me like a ton of bricks. This was well before I started having fertility issues, before I knew this would be a dilemma. We could have gotten pregnant before then- we'd been married for almost 4 years, I'd taken time off of birth control and stuff, but I wasn't even remotely concerned yet that we would have issues with conceiving. And yet, I had this gut instinct, and it was sudden, and overwhelming. I also largely forgot about it in years to come, particularly as I was unwell and didn't know what was wrong yet.

5 years ago, I started to get sick, and I didn't know why. Over the course of about a year, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, then Celiac Disease, then insulin resistance, then Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Over this year as well, probably stupidly in hind sight, we started trying to get pregnant. Needless to say, that didn't go as planned.

4.5 years ago, our friends Courtney and Chad adopted internationally. I asked Courtney every question I could think of, and adoption was blossoming in my mind. I didn't even know her well (yet), and Courtney answered extremely personal questions of every kind. Welcome to adoption, folks- make sure you're wearing your thick skin.

3.5 years ago, I had surgery to remove endometriosis. It helped with the pain, but it didn't help with the pregnancy.

2 years ago, Paul and I decided to adopt- we just had no idea what that would look like. The conversation had been happening between us for 2.5 years, but we didn't want to wait to start our family to see if I would ever get pregnant or not. We agreed on some programs, and not on others. Nothing felt right, nothing was fitting well, and we took this so seriously that we knew we both needed to be 100%, all in, in order to make it through the actual adoption process. We needed to be unified.

In March of 2013, I found out about the RMI program, which I've mentioned before- and it looked like the wait would be years. Possibly 5-6 years, theoretically, if every interested family signed up. I added our names to the list. We were number 79 on the waiting list just to GET information.  After March, though… we had no direction. We discussed domestic adoption, foster care, other countries internationally, but… everything felt wrong. I voiced this to Courtney once, and she said simply, "You're struggling because they're all good options. All adoptions are worthy of your time, all of them deserve your care and your energy. It's hard because they're all important."

For 7-8 months, this feeling of dread was tearing me up inside. What did it mean that we couldn't agree? What did it say about us that we couldn't come to a decision? Courtney's comment kept coming back to me, in both good and bad moments. Sometimes, it was "See, ANY program is good! Let's just go with one and start getting ready!" Other times, I was furious- if they're all worthy (and the kiddos definitely, definitely are), then how selfish were we to be dawdling around, weighing our options?

And yet, we still couldn't agree. I thought (and probably said) awful things about myself, about my husband. I was frustrated and terrified and growing wearier and wearier each time I skipped a period and still wasn't pregnant. Several times, I skipped 3-4 months in a row (a symptom of PCOS) and still… no little blue line, a doctor still shaking her head. I forgot that my husband was on my side, that we were a team in this, that he was hurting as well, that this was wearing on him too, that not deciding on a program left him in limbo just as much as it did me.

Was the world colluding against me to never, ever have children in my family?

And then, one year ago today, I got the email, and I was absolutely, completely terrified.

The email was simple- your number is up, we're ready for you. Here's the info, you have five days to decide. FIVE DAYS. Five days to make the most important decision of our lives, after the 2.5 years it took us to decide on adoption at all? After the last eight months, when we couldn't even agree on domestic or international? FIVE DAYS?!? I was sold instantly- this felt right in an ocean of uncertainty. I remembered believing years prior that this was how Paul and I would have children, and it felt like we had come full circle. This was why nothing else fit- because this was what we were meant for. If you haven't read this early post on why we chose the Marshall Islands, check this out.

Even though I was ecstatic, I also freaked out, because in the minute it took me to read that email, I had gotten my hopes up, higher than they'd ever been, and I wanted desperately to avoid those hopes coming crashing down. I panicked, and I didn't tell Paul until late that evening. We had friends coming over for dinner, and I held it together until they left. My mind was racing though- the question that overtook my brain was simply, What if he says no? What if, after all this, we can't agree on the only thing that has ever felt right?

Thankfully, there's a happy ending, obviously, and a happier ending to come. Things have worked out well, though the last year hasn't been in a walk in the park- but we have never, ever, second-guessed that decision. I can't go back in time and change how I handled the pain, the frustration, the fear. I am so happy about where we ended up that I think we had to go through this to get here. But if you're where I was… talk to someone.

To be honest, I was conflicted about writing this, because I don't ever want our child to think that they were our lesser option, because that is NOT the case. Adoption is not less than, it is not the plan B, it is not something we resigned ourselves to begrudgingly- we take joy in being where we are, and we are thrilled to be on this adventure. But I've found that there are a lot of beautiful stories about families that choose adoption even though they could theoretically conceive, and I love them for choosing this worthy, important child. I love them for standing up for those in need and for showing everyone the many ways a family can be made, and yet, I've always felt left out. We did try to conceive first, and we did struggle. Twelve years ago, when we started talking about our future family, adoption wasn't on our radar, and I feel this enormous guilt for that sometimes. I feel like that needs to be clear, because I'm not the first person to have struggled with fertility issues, and I'm not the first person to doubt themselves. I want to be faithful to that story, our story, and I'm tired of feeling guilty for that.

So this anniversary, this terrifying moment in my personal journey- it's symbolic now. It's symbolic of the shedding of the doubt in my heart, the letting go of the baggage that had been weighing me down. It represents the peak of fear, and what's on the other side. It's also a sign of the great things that come once the storm has passed.

Thanks to those that actually read this- we love you all (whether you finished or not)!

The CRAFT BAZAAR is Live!

Most of you know that crafts have a special place in my heart- I love handmade, artistic, personal things that have a story behind them. My motto tends to be, "I could probably make that", and I absolutely credit my parents for instilling this in me.

As we started talking about fundraisers, the idea of a craft bazaar got bounced around a lot because, while it's a fun, engaging way to raise money, it's also a lot of work. We finally decided to do this online out of practicality's sake, but it is finally here!

Check out the sale here , stop from today to December 10th to guarantee shipping by Christmas, and check back frequently for new items!

I'm adding photos of a few of the listings- a LOT of wonderful people helped to make this happen. Thank you to the wonderful Greg Helton and Josh Yates for taking and letting me use their photos- you can tell which ones they did because they're awesome, and which ones I took (because they're… not as awesome).  My parents, our aunt Peggy, my best friend Heather, and our friends Kel and Marci all donated huge numbers of handmade items for the sale, and they're all amazingly beautiful and wonderful. Some wonderful ladies- Rhonda, Kelly, Karissa, and Jenessa, all helped to get together and organize some of the projects I had unfinished, and I couldn't have gotten these done without them (Rhonda was the imagination behind the bow clips- amazing!).  To all of these people (I hope I'm not forgetting anyone)- THANK YOU. This literally couldn't have happened without you.

ONLINE CRAFT BAZAAR!

Alright, this is a mini-post because I think the details of the craft bazaar got lost in the middle of last week's post.

SO- the ONLINE CRAFT BAZAAR is a real thing, and here are the details for every kind of involvement:

Basic Details:

• Nov 1-Dec 10th (Delivery by Christmas!)
• I'll post the link to my Etsy store as we get closer- right now it is woefully disappointing.
• ALL SORTS of amazing crafty goodies!

If you want to DONATE your goods/services: 

• I'll sell anything handmade- preferably something shippable.
• Examples so far include hats, headbands, bookmarks, jewelry, bookends- and that's before I've even really announced it!
• You can EITHER:
• send me your goods before the 1st and I'll handle the shipping
• send me a photo/details before the 1st and you can ship items to buyers as they sell
• PLEASE price your items. I'm a very bad estimator. 

If you want to BUY:

• Look for the link on Nov 1st! I will keep adding new things and adjusting the stock- I will try very, very hard to keep everything updated. 
• Listings where something is "made to order" will be updated to indicate the amount of time it will take to create the item- please be careful, especially as we move closer to Christmas.
• If there's something in particular you're looking for, feel free to request it- I'll do my best. 

Mysteries

My lovely coworker has taken to asking if there is any new information in the "Mystery Maternity Leave". From here on out, we will give as many updates as possible, but we're really playing the waiting game- it's as much a mystery to us as it is to most of you. Most of the updates will be minor, until we get to the BIG update.

SO, updates, in no particular order-
1. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone that donated- we are so, so close to reaching the fundraising goal for our matching grant!!! Seriously, we were gifted about $6,000 by you amazing people and therefore will receive $6k in grant money- AMAZING.

2. We also received another small grant for $500 from one of the many applications! Again, if you are considering adoption or currently pursuing it, I am happy to share our grant list.

3. We are working towards our next fundraiser! We are going to be running an ONLINE CRAFT BAZAAR  via my Etsy store.

• Basic Details:
• Nov 1-Dec 10th (Delivery by Christmas!)
• I'll post the link to my Etsy store as we get closer- right now it is woefully disappointing.
• ALL SORTS of amazing crafty goodies!
• If you want to DONATE your goods/services: 
• I'll sell anything handmade- preferably something shippable.
• Examples so far include hats, headbands, bookmarks, jewelry, bookends- and that's before I've even really announced it!
• You can EITHER:
• send me your goods before the 1st and I'll handle the shipping
• send me a photo/details before the 1st and you can ship items to buyers as they sell
• PLEASE price your items. I'm a very bad estimator. 
• If you want to BUY:
• Look for the link on Nov 1st! I will keep adding new things and adjusting the stock- I will try very, very hard to keep everything updated. 
• Listings where something is "made to order" will be updated to indicate the amount of time it will take to create the item- please be careful, especially as we move closer to Christmas.
• If there's something in particular you're looking for, feel free to request it- I'll do my best. 

I am so looking forward to everything coming up- THANK YOU again for all of your support! We love you and we couldn't be doing this without you!

Wind in Our Sails

Two major things have changed since our last post-

1. We submitted our dossier!

2. We were awarded another matching grant!

It's funny how quickly things can change, especially our attitudes. Last Monday I traveled down to Salem to get the state seal (kind of like notarizing our notary's signature), and Tuesday Paul dropped off our dossier- the collection of many, many pages of documents. Dossiers will vary depending on the country you're preparing them for, but ours included two matching packets- one for the US and one for RMI- that had marriage certificates, birth certificates, photos of our family and our home, medical examinations, passport photos, background checks from CA, OR, CPS, and the FBI.  Despite the fact that we had already done most of the work by collecting all of this, there was something so incredible about sending it out- literally the last major thing we have to do for the time being. An enormous weight was lifted off our shoulders as that packet left our home, even though now the real waiting begins.

We also found out, amazingly, that we were awarded another matching grant by Hand in Hand Adoptions- this time for $4,000! This is obviously incredible news- if we can fundraise the 4k by October 17th, we will be awarded the additional 4k- when combined with the $2k grant from LifeSong, it means we'll be able to pay for our dossier (whew!)!!! (Side note- if you're considering adoption or currently pursuing one, I would love to share information with you, especially about grants. Just let me know.)



Paul said to me this week, "Now's the time to get this stuff done- while we've got the wind in our sails".  That phrase has been stuck in my brain all week, because it totally feels like the winds have shifted. There's still a lot to do to be prepared for as many possibilities as we can be- financially, emotionally, and in our home- and we have our work cut out for us, as any expecting parents do. Life can be like that, but we're definitely glad to have the energy to keep going.

Other than the getting-ready stuff, now we wait. As long as our social worker confirms that the packets are ready to go, we're going to be on the short list for families waiting for a referral, but the average wait time is still around 7 months. Once we are matched with a child, we get to choose whether or not we accept the referral. Once we say yes, we get ready to leave! Currently, in our program, families travel appx 1 1/2 weeks after referral- which is an insanely short amount of time to spend preparing. Think about it- we won't know the gender or age of our child until 1 1/2 weeks before we meet him/her! I know that not knowing the gender isn't the end of the world, but not knowing the age is hard for me to wrap my mind around- we won't know what size diapers to buy, what types of bottles to get, or anything else like that- we will have TEN DAYS to prepare to wrap our entire lives around our baby.

We have had wonderful friends say they'd help after we left- make grocery runs and supply stops to get the pertinents, and we WILL take you all up on that… but because we will be in the country for 3-6 weeks, we will also need to be bringing 3-6 weeks worth of baby stuff with us to RMI, so we will obviously need that beforehand.  Crazy!

In the meantime, we're currently not running any fundraisers because we are both still getting adjusted to our new work routines, and frankly,  I don't even know where we'd start in the next four weeks. However, we will be trying to run them soon, so we will let you know when there's new information (about fundraisers or the adoption itself). If you're interested in contributing to our fundraising efforts, please let me know- we appreciate you all so very much!

I know that this post comes with a different attitude than last week's, and frankly, I'm grateful for it. I hate for my emotions to be strung so closely to our circumstances, but it is a relief to feel the weight of the past few months lifted off of us. The wind really is in our sails now, in large part due to those of you that kept us going through those rough months. Thank you for being so loving and supportive- we love you all!

Behind the Scenes

Hey all,
I need to apologize for the length of time between posts- 2 1/2 months is ridiculous, and I'm sorry.

I have often told my students to never compare their behind-the-scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel. Generally speaking, we get to see others at their best, with the face they put on when they leave the house, or hear their carefully chosen words. It's incredibly easy to be discouraged by this, because our own lives can be ugly and raw, and they feel absolutely nothing like other peoples' lives, which seem so "perfect", or at least "better". We all know, obviously, that everyone has struggles, but they're vague and easy to dismiss; we look at their highlight reel- the stuff they share on Facebook, the stories they tell when the family gets together on Christmas- and then think so much about our own junk that we miss the bigger picture in both our lives and theirs.

I wanted badly to be authentic when speaking about the adoption of our child because we knew it would be hard. We knew we would be sad, and tired, and also fortunate, and loved beyond our wildest dreams, and that all of these factors would make it real. The adoption blogs that spoke about infertility issues and loss and heartache quenched by soul when I needed it the most, and I wanted to add to their number. I wanted to faithfully represent our adoption because we so wanted this to be about more than our family, and it isn't all cute and flowery stuff.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped taking my own advice.

When week after week passed with no news, I figured no one wanted to hear me complain about Department of Homeland Security taking a million years to process our info.

When our first grant application was turned down, I decided not to blog until we had good news.

When I ended up having no time this summer to prepare the nursery like I had anticipated, I thought it would be better to wait to share photos until the nursery was done.

When we finally got our papers all in order and didn't hear back from our program coordinator immediately, I assumed we should wait another week to post, because hey, next week we'll have ACTUAL news, right?

So, I'm going to call all of that the blooper reel. It's the behind-the-scenes, I-can't-believe-I-did-that footage, and we're sharing it with all of you because it seems to be a pretty big theme in adoptions, we're learning. This whole process, including bloopers, is what is building our family and I'm sorry I've been terrible about sharing- I will try to be better. I will also try to not complain too much about these things, because this isn't a pity party, and I don't want to complain about my first world problems when my child is currently parentless… but there should be a balance. Highlights AND bloopers.

That said, here's the skinny. We are hoping to complete our dossier soon, and we will update when that time comes. However, in the meantime, there have been some non-adoption highlights that we'll share, because the good stuff has been pretty darn great.

First of all, I'm starting a new position at my work- I'm the new library media teacher! I am fortunate to be helping to build a library at my school, and we're in the beginning stages, but really- it's my dream. My uncle said to me over the weekend, "Wait, you're practically Belle, and they're letting you build a library? Are they crazy?" We might be crazy, but I am ecstatic to be working on this.

Secondly, Paul is starting a new position at a new branch, and we think it's going to be an awesome thing, but it has definitely been hectic, and he's still learning the ropes, to say the least. This position gives him more potential for growth in the future, which is encouraging, though not something he's planning on pursuing until after we get home with Baby J (since it would suck to go out for a paternity leave right after starting a new position). It's a good thing we're getting some of these changes out of the way now!

Thirdly, we got to celebrate two weddings this weekend- one for a dear friend (that I'm so crazy ridiculously excited for) and one for my little sister Kelsie! We spent 31 hours in the fastest trip ever, but we were so thankful to get to share in Kelsie and her husband, Dan's, wedding day!!! We got to see family and friends in a small and truly special ceremony. They were both beautiful and happy and wonderful- it was such a great way to end the summer and celebrate families joining. A lot of my family that was there isn't even blood related, and I was so happy to be reminded that family is created through love, not blood- now something that's even more encouraging as an adoptive mom-to-be.

Lastly (?), we were awarded a matching grant! After the first sad response, we were awarded a $2,000 matching grant through LifeSong for Orphans, which means that they'll match up to $2k in donations until October 29th. If you're interested in supporting us this way, please let me know- any support would count for double!  This was especially wonderful to hear because we have an ENORMOUS bill coming up when we submit the dossier.

So there you have it- behind-the-scenes. Some of it's on the blooper reel, and some of it is the highlight of the summer, but it's all a part of the bigger picture. Thanks for bearing with us as we figure out how to be transparent without being grumpy and cynical while we wait. We love you all, and thank you for your support!

Validation

Hey all!
Since I last posted, two cool things have happened, and even though they're not actually related, they feel enormously validating for Paul and I.

First of all, we are COMPLETELY done with our home study (thank goodness)! Because we're working on grants now, we needed a letter that essentially says that we have a completed home study- it's easier than sending these million-page home study packets to every single grant we apply for. At the bottom of this page, the final sentence was:

"Therefore, I recommend and approve this family to adopt a child as described in this study."

I stared at that for a few minutes. I maybe cried. I realized that there had been a part of me that wasn't sure we'd be approved- not because I don't think we'll be good adoptive parents, but because it feels like there's so much we don't control. We let these adoption workers in to the intimate details of our lives and then see what they say- it's nerve-wracking! It was so important to let go of that last burden (for the moment), and in a weird sense, it gave us more confidence- like, heck yeah, we're approved!



The second thing that happened had very little to do with us, but has made all of the difference.

We have some lovely friends named Justin and Katy, and they just brought home their baby girl!

Celebrations

The last week and a half has been all about celebrations for us, and so today I'm going to focus on those, with some updates interspersed.

! Today's (more or less) the last day of school! I could not be more excited- it's been a long school year. Adding the adoption paperwork to working full time has been even more difficult than my last two years of working full time and going to grad school full time. I could use a week or so of sleep right about now.

!! No more garage sales!! After five garage sales over 6 days, we are exhausted. Not only are we celebrating being done, but also raising just over FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Seriously, that's our combined total from the Craigslist, Ebay, and garage sale items that were donated and a part of our purging. Incredible! Interestingly, we got to meet the most wonderful, heartwarming, encouraging people through the process. We are thankful to be done, but so grateful for the experience, your donations, and getting closer to bringing Baby J home.

!!! Today is our anniversary!!! Nine years ago today, we began the adventure of marriage, and it has been such a gift. I am so thankful that we ended up together- I couldn't have gone through this process with anyone else (nor would I want to)! Pictured here is us about eleven years ago, when we first started dating. 

!!!! Our home study is done! We are waiting on the signatures, but it has been approved by both agencies! This means several things, not least of which that we can start applying for grants. We will next be working on our dossier, and besides a MASSIVE amount of paperwork, we're not sure what to expect. I'm sure adoptive parents can/will enlighten me, but I'm sure we'll also figure it out as we go along. We are also thrilled to have our sweet friends coming home with their precious adopted daughter right now (like, literally right now) and it feels like such a great thing to be able to celebrate as we're in the middle of our small victories. While we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, we're getting to see what actually at the end of the tunnel, and it's so remarkable!

Thank you all for your love, support, encouragement, help, time, donations, prayers, and patience. We couldn't do this without you and we're happy to have you all around to celebrate these things with us! We will update again soon- until then, we love you!

Garage Sale FINALE!

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we're almost at the end- we are having our LAST garage sale on Friday (5/30) and Saturday (5/31)!

We still have a ton of great stuff and a BUNCH of new stuff (especially baby stuff!) that's been recently donated. We have promises of even more big-ticket items on the way in the next few days as well, so mark your calendars! We are priced to sell- we will be pricing clothes and books by the bag, so there will be some REALLY great deals to be had. Even better, I will stop bugging you with garage sale-y posts!

1. If you have items to donate, please schedule this with us ASAP- we would love love love more donations, and we'll take anything up until the end.

2. We need grocery bags- over the last month, we've given out more than we've taken in, so we definitely won't make it through the weekend.

3. We need help manning specific areas, handing out bag, etc.- we have had INCREDIBLE helpers, but we're going to be (hopefully) very busy and we would like to get this squared away sooner rather than later.

4. We need to borrow tables, if you have them. The ones we've been using won't be available on Saturday.

5. We need SHOPPERS! Each time someone drives by without stopping, I am absolutely shocked- we have everything under the sun, so I can't imagine what they're not finding. Come see for yourself :)

HUGE thanks go out to everyone that has donated, purchased, encouraged, and helped at these events- we are so looking forward to being done, but it has been an enormous blessing! Please contact us if you're looking for anything specific or if you'd like to donate/help. I'll include Paul's Craigslist post later so you can see photos to the best of our abilities. Hopefully we'll see you on Friday and Saturday, 8 am -3 pm!!!

Updates: Our home study is undergoing some small revisions and is then being sent to our placing agency in Minnesota- one more step forward! Thank you for your encouragement and love- we love you all!

Support

It's been a while since I posted, mostly because May is a pretty hectic time of year for teachers and things have been bonkers.

Even more than the school year coming to a close, however, we have been busy fundraising- a task we could in no way accomplish on our own. Pictured is a group of friends we've gotten close to over the years- and while there are a few people missing, we're thankful to have this particular group of friends because they have been SO supportive in a variety of ways. This group (including a few notable others not seen here) have gone over and above with their outpouring of love for us and Baby J, so they're getting a dedication post. :) 

These friends have helped at every.single.garage sale (and they've donated more than half of the stuff we've sold), they've donated financially, they've prayed for and encouraged us, they've brought meals and treats when we were exhausted, they've been our cheerleaders- there is nothing that hasn't been done by at least one of them. They've organized garage sale previews, listened when we were stressed, kept a good sense of humor when we've been down, and even started gifting for Baby J. (I also think two of them are going to paint the nursery for us- if you've ever seen me paint, you'd know what a huge blessing that is- we can't afford to replace the carpet.)

I mention this now mainly because we're in a holding pattern- we have had 3 of 5 garage sales and our garage is still PACKED- so we're trying to do what we can and raise funds with what we have in the meantime. Unfortunately, Paul works many Saturdays, and so thankfully, we've had these friends coming to help price, sell, and cover the sale throughout the day. We would definitely have not been successful without them, and we love them for it. We're waiting for our home study to be reviewed by both agencies, which means that we can't apply for grants yet, and so the focus has been on the sales in order to reach the fundraising goal for our next bill. (We need a completed home study to apply for most adoption grants.) 

This is important to us in part because we know that not everyone is going to adopt, but everyone can support adoption in different ways. We have had a LOT of support, and we could write blogs for the next decade about each person that's helped us, both inside this group and outside, but these guys have been almost as involved in the fundraising process as we have been! We are so encouraged by people that help even if it's not their passion- because they've shown us that they're passionate about families in every sense of the word. 

Updates:

I wish I could say that there were major updates, but we are just waiting for our home study to be approved. After that point, we will have more to share and hopefully a clearer view of the estimated timeline (although even that is a guess).

Until then, thanks for everything!  Come visit us next Saturday (5/24) and the following Friday/Saturday (5/30-5/31) for our last garage sales- there's new stuff coming in every day! You're welcome to donate stuff as well if that comes up. Thank you and we love you all!

Let's Talk About It

We knew that adopting- and writing a blog about our adoption- would open us up for conversations, both good and bad. Talking about adoption is simultaneously my favorite thing AND my least favorite thing. While it's something we're obviously super passionate about and some of the conversations are uplifting and lovely, there are also a lot of times when the conversation is at best untimely, and at worst, super offensive. Mostly, though, they're somewhere in-between… good and weird and slightly uncomfortable but worth it… kind of like adoption.

We are always happy to have these conversations, even the awkward ones. Most are pretty great, and we're glad that people care enough to ask. These are some of the common ones, good and bad.

Convo #1: "Can you have your own kids?" First of all, my adoptive kid(s) will be my own. Also, yes, let's have the infertility conversation in this group of people, Ms. Perfect Stranger.

Convo #2: "(laughing) You're not going to adopt from Africa, are you?" (Yes, this was actually said to us. Really.) There are variations of this too, all making jokes about international adoption before people realize that we are, in fact, adopting internationally. There's no good way to respond to this, either, because there's so much that we want to say, but it's falling on deaf ears. Also in this: super racist comments that people don't think are racist. Yikes.

Convo #3: "Do you have kids?" This is no one's fault, but it's rough. I get asked that A LOT, and there was a time when it would have been worse, because we didn't know if we'd ever have kids and it's not the kind of question that a stranger expects you to cry about- but now, it's awkward because I don't know how to respond. I'm not pregnant, so we can't say yes yet, but we also are going to have a baby in the nearish future, so…………….? How do we respond? Yes? No? Sort of? I heard one adoptive mom that proudly adopted the term "expectant mother", but it's still a strange feeling. Especially with Mother's Day coming around, I'm not sure how to answer, but it comes up a lot.

Convo #4: "So do you have your baby yet?" I have a student that asked me this THE DAY AFTER he found out I was adopting. This is one of the funny ones- he clearly has no idea what's going on. Oddly enough, though, Paul's been asked this too- and not by children- and it reminds us that not everyone has gotten to see this process before. We probably said the same things before we watched our friends Chad and Courtney adopt, because we didn't know, but it still makes us laugh.

Convo #5: "When will you have your baby/ when are you leaving?" If only we knew, friend.

Updates: Our home study is being written right now! This will still take a bit to be finished, but we're done with education hours ad stuff for the moment.

Our garage sale yesterday was rained out, but our garage is filled to the max again, so we're having it next Saturday, rain or shine. Anyone interested in helping hang clothes on Friday should let me know- we're trying to stage as much as possible in the garage, so we'll be borrowing ladders and brooms to create makeshift clothes racks. We have TONS of new stuff, thanks to a handful of donations that have trickled in and an ENORMOUS donation from our amazing (former) neighbors- they let us raid their garage because they're downsizing and couldn't take everything with them. Join us next Saturday (10th) from 8am- 2pm!

As always, we love you and we're so thankful for your support!

Spring Cleaning

As I'm sure everyone with kids can understand, we're in purging mode. Thank goodness for garage sales, because it's spring cleaning!

There's something cathartic about getting rid of things, and I have a hard time believing that so much of this stuff fit in our house. Even beyond that, in light of the things that we'll be needing- and babies need a LOT of stuff- I'm in awe of what we thought we needed, what has made it with us from house to house.

Many of you know we had a garage sale two weekends ago- and it was extremely successful. For a last minute venture, we were thrilled to make over $1200! Thank you SO SO SO much to everyone for the donations and patronage- it made such an enormous difference. A special thanks to Tim and Kiersten, Courtney, Brennon, Jimmie, Rob, Jenessa, Katie (and Jorie), and Adnan for their efforts selling our things- they were pricing masters and helped to set up and cleanup so the process went smoothly.

All that said, we still have many things, and we are having another sale on May 3rd! Any additional donations of your goods are welcome and appreciated- we are happy to take your junk! We will keep having sales until everything's gone, so we expect to be professionals by summer. New stuff keeps coming in, so keep checking back. We'll also be trying to post what we have on Craigslist and Ebay in one easy to view format, but we're working on it. And by we, I mean Paul- he's the greatest.

So, visit us again for another Saturday sale- May 3rd at 8 am. Thanks for your support!


Updates!
On THURSDAY, we have our (hopefully) last meeting with our social worker- three cheers! She is lovely, but I am happy to move past this- it's an awkward phase. She'll be doing the home inspection during this visit, so we have spent a LOT of time cleaning. We've also begun baby proofing, and ironically, we've had to make an evacuation plan since the state requires that we have one posted. Yes, even for a baby. (If you were one of the people we told that we'd be meeting at the beginning of May- surprise! We got bumped up. Yay?)

After our last meeting with our social worker, she will write up our home study, which may have to go through revisions; that could take several weeks, but it will be sent to our placing agency in Minnesota, and then we'll move on to the next step, which should be getting things ready to submit to the US government and the Marshallese government.

Another good thing about being close to done with the home study is that we will be able to start applying for grants! This, hopefully, is where we'll get some more funding, and we haven't been able to apply because our home study isn't complete. I've been stressing about this because generally, the waiting is done AFTER the home study- waiting for your referral, then waiting to travel, then waiting to travel again… but in our program, it looks like the waiting will be significantly shorter. (I like to think it's because we waited so long to join the program in the first place.) We will probably still feel like waiting even a week to meet our baby is excruciating, but this also means that we'll need to work on funding pronto- we can't move on to certain steps of the process if we haven't paid for the steps we've already taken. Urg.

Another plug for Just Love Coffee, which we have been thoroughly enjoying. Our favorite has been the Costa Rican blend, but we've been trying something new each time we order. Thanks for your support!

I'll try to do a follow-up post soon, after we finish our meetings. Until then- thank you for your support and love! We love you!

Out of Control

I never thought that I was a controlling person, but apparently I was wrong- and the last few weeks have proved it.

As the teacher of 75 walking hormone fiascos, I thought I was used to accepting that I couldn't control other people, or circumstances. I also thought that I had "figured it out" a really long time ago- or at the very least, when we decided to adopt. Once my body started to go haywire, I realized that there were things out of my control, and I was done learning the lesson, right? Oh brother.

That gem is me, at approximately 2 years old, pretending I was pregnant. My mom was pregnant with my sister, and I went around with a baby in the front of my dress (or stuck in a nightgown, as pictured). I knew I wanted to be MY mom (obviously, because she's awesome), but I also knew that I wanted to be A mom. I never remember a single moment in my life when I didn't want to be a mom- I even broke up with a guy in high school because I thought he'd be a terrible dad. That was an awkward conversation, let me tell you. In all of those moments, the idea that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant never, ever, ever occurred to me. Talk about something you can't control.

Time to make some adoptive parents laugh- I somehow thought adoption would be easier in the sense that we'd have more control! I jinxed us big time.  Not only did we give so much of our control to people we don't necessarily know (our home study agency, our placing agency, social workers and lawyers in RMI, people writing our referrals, people conducting background checks, and so on), but we also have had to trust the timelines of other people.

While I was visiting family in California, we had a paperwork snafu and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt utterly helpless. We have a bill due once we are finished meeting with our social worker, and we're still $3k short. We were waiting and waiting for a phone call, only to find out that it had come in to the house line we rarely check and don't usually give the number to. URG! Can't we hurry it up? Can't everything just go smoothly? Can't we just bring our baby home, for Poe's sake?!?

Really, this is the tip of the iceberg, and I still find myself startled by how out of control we feel- shouldn't we be used to this by now? At the same time, it's so good for us in the long run- such a painful, but good, way to grow. But is it a bad sign that I feel out of control before the baby's even home?


Updates/ opportunities to help:
We've been assigned a social worker, huzzah! It's the last major step for our home study. That's our update on that front.

SUPER SHORT NOTICE! We are having a garage sale THIS upcoming Saturday at 8 am at our place- 13350 Sw Village Glenn in Tigard. Be there or be square! This will be the first garage sale of several probably, but we've got some pretty great stuff. ALSO, a friend came up with a great idea- $10 buy-in for a Friday night preview of the goods! Send Paul or I a text if you're interested.

We're still selling Just Love Coffee, and we've been getting it ourself- it's delicious! I absolutely recommend it.

Thank you again for everything- your love, support, excitement, and well wishes all mean SO MUCH.

The Little Things

A lot of people have been asking us how things are going, and we're so thankful for the care and concern that people have been showing. The problem is, there's not much to talk about- nothing remarkable, anyway. What we've been finding is that everything right now is small- but those small things are actually pretty big when they're all put together. The little things have been special moments that make all the difference. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Our friend works at our Oregon adoption agency, and she was the one to call and tell me we had been accepted. Having someone we love and that loves us deliver the news was a precious moment- not life altering, but wonderful.

2. There are quite a few adoptive families at the school I work at, and my students are excited. I've been able to have some really great conversations with students in adoptive families and their parents- families that can empathize and rejoice over the little things.

3. Our nursery has turned into a hoarder's paradise. People have donated SO MUCH stuff that we've been selling on Craigslist and Ebay- and it's helped us a ton before we even get to the garage sale. Not only are we purging our own house (it's unbelievable how much we have to get rid of), but we have been able to go through everyone else's stuff and it's more fun than I would have thought! To be honest, Paul gets virtually all of the credit for this- he has been the one spearheading this campaign. He is way more organized than I am, and the way that he's been attacking this is just incredible, and I'm so fortunate to have him to work on this.

We've also gotten to meet some really interesting people through Craigslist (obviously), but also people that we're so glad to be passing this stuff on to. We met a grandmother that was fostering her grandkids, and bought both twin mattresses because the kids had been sleeping on the floor. She was ecstatic that we gave her the sheets to go with it, and we got to see her grandkids- the cutest children we had ever seen. As she left, she asked us to email her when we brought the baby home, so she could give us hand-me-downs.

Another couple came to look at the couch and saw a bunch of things from a recent delivery of stuff- and this guy's eyes went wide. As it turned out, the couple had just moved here and had brought almost nothing, so they spent the next hours going through boxes and picking out decorations, rugs, dishes, pots and pans- they pretty much got their entire house stocked up, and they want to come back when we have the garage sale.

We have also been really forthcoming about why we're selling everything, and more than one person has given us more than we were asking because they're excited that we're adopting- these gifts and support from strangers are a blessing that we're never sure how to accept but we're so excited by them.

4. We got our first baby gift. I was telling a friend about this thing I had seen and really wanted, and she texted me the next day to say it was on its way. How special this moment was, she'll probably never know- it was one of the random, beautiful reasons why I love her, and there's something in the nursery closet that is actually for our baby.

5. I'm visiting my family this week, and it might be the last time I do this alone. Talk about weird realizations- there have been a bunch of small things where we say, "this might be the last time before the baby," and actually processing that information is insane and beautiful and it's weirding me out.

6. (an update) We are being assigned our social worker! This means we have a few meetings with him/her and then we're done with our home study, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying because we have a $6,000 bill due as soon as we complete the home study.

I'm sure every family that's expecting their first child says the same thing- the little things are important and seem to make all the difference. We're learning that as we go along, as we sell every bit and bauble that comes our way. There is no item we've had donated that's worth $40,000- we're getting there through $5, $20, $100 items that are selling. The little things mean a whole lot, and we could not be more grateful. Thank you! We love you all so very, very much.

Doing Pretty Well

A few days ago, a guy came to the house to buy something we listed on Craiglist, and when he came in, he said, "Wow, you guys are doing pretty well for yourself." (I wasn't there- Paul says it was endearing, but it sounds snarky to me; make your own judgements.) As Paul was telling me the story, I looked around and started to protest- almost everything we own is secondhand, or was a gift, or…or…

That night, we were finishing up one of our online education classes, this one about international adoption and things to be prepared for, including lists of things to bring. One note on the list was that we would have to bring clothes- obviously- but one recommendation was to bring something that we can change the baby into immediately, because we will need to return their outfit- their one outfit- to the orphanage.

I remembered reading something similar when we were looking into a Samoan program- one of the program requirements was that you send a box of age-appropriate clothes when you accepted the referral of your child, because the child would not be provided with additional clothes beyond the minimum.

I don't know why something about baby clothes set me off, but I couldn't think about anything else, and I still sort of can't. One single outfit could be the only thing a child wears during their time in an orphanage. I don't know what our program requires yet, and it will likely be different because our baby's going to be in foster care instead of an orphanage, but still- it's common enough that this note was in our international adoption training. I don't really have words, so I will just say- I am thankful for this dose of perspective.

Updates:
DONE with paperwork AND our education hours! There was sooooo much good information, and I'm thankful we've completed it. We also got our final background check in- thankfully, the FBI has confirmed that we're not criminals. As soon as the paperwork we mailed in is processed, we can begin meeting with our social worker! Huzzah!
We are continuing to sell donated things- thank you SO much for all of this! We are still running fundraisers through Just Love Coffee and when you follow this link to Amazon. We also have set a tentative date for the craft fair- so look for more info on that soon!
We love you all, and we'll post again soon.

Daffodils

My dad is an avid gardener.

When I was growing up, I loved to help him, mostly so that I could pretend I was one of the American Girls (Kirsten being my favorite, of course, but Felicity was a close second). Every single year, he would give me some space around the yard and let me choose what I wanted to plant there, and every single year I said daffodils. Each time, he reminded me that daffodils don't grow well in Los Angeles, that it's too hot for them, and that they don't grow again the next year because the ground never gets cold enough in the winter for the bulbs to grow again, so basically you're wasting your money on what is supposed to be a perennial, but instead withers after two days.

And every year I still asked for daffodils.

Sometimes he bought me daffodils, and then took me back to the gardening store a week later to pick out something else after the daffodils died. Other times he simply said no, and tried to reason with me when I was unreasonable. But I was determined to have those dang daffodils, and he let me learn the hard way. At some point, I began telling him that in the future, I'd have daffodils in front of my house, and so every year it was the same thing- I would plant something other than daffodils, but I would tell him that someday, I would move to a place where I could have daffodils in my yard.

When I moved to Oregon, it was hard to be away from my family, from the home I'd known. We rented a house, and I'm sure that my family was hoping that we'd move back (and I'm sure they still do). But when we bought our first house about 3 years after moving, it was pretty solid- they knew we'd be staying in Oregon.

A few days after we moved in, a package arrived from an address I didn't recognize, and I lost it when I opened the box.

My dad had ordered and sent me a box of daffodil bulbs.

This obviously makes me feel everything all at once, even three years later, but as I was gardening this morning, I saw that the first daffodil in my yard had bloomed, and my mind began to race. Daffodils have become something symbolic, and I realized that this might be the very daffodil that my baby sees next year, with new eyes, in a new home. The English teacher in me thought a million things about the symbolism of new growth, of finding a home that you thrive in, of discovering one's self, etc. Even more simply, though, I realized that a tradition that my dad and I started can and will be something that I pass on to my kids, and this might be the last year that I'm gardening alone outside. I realized that my family is spread out and that they're still somehow near because they're a part of me, and I realized that this is all very sentimental but that it's also true, and that someday I will get to bore my kids with stories like this until they're old enough to appreciate them.

Parents, what is it that you've been happy to pass on to your kiddos? To everyone that moved away from family- what keeps you feeling close? I can't be the only one- I'd love to know what small things mattered to you, especially as you thought about bringing the kiddo(s) home or as you anticipate that process.


Updates:
PAPERWORK IS DONE! For the moment, obviously. 249 pages, not including the online education stuff. We're almost done with the online stuff- there's a lot of clicking involved. It's good, but still. Lots to learn, lots of repeating, lots of clicking.
Fundraising- Paul continues to kick butt selling stuff of Craigslist and Ebay- thank you thank you thank you for the donations! We are going to have an incredible garage sale in the future, too. I just ordered our first batch from Just Love Coffee, which gives us HALF of the proceeds towards our adoption. Yay!!!
Thank you for your love and support. Until next week (?), we love you!

The Price is Right- Price Breakdowns and NEW FUNDRAISERS!

     Last summer, just before school got out, I told a small group of my students at my former school that Paul and I were considering adoption. Through the conversation, the financial side came up- a few of the kids had an idea of the cost, and asked why it cost so much.
     During this time, one girl said, "We hope that Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Johnson would be able to raise the funds to... buy? ... a baby...?" I almost burst out laughing- you could hear the indecision and confusion in her voice, and of course that's not what's happening, but how else would a person phrase it? In the moment, I totally understood why she didn't know what to call it, and I was still unfamiliar with a lot of the jargon, and unsure where exactly all of the money went.

     One of the most commonly asked questions is WHY it costs so much- and it always bring me back to this "buy? a? baby?" moment. Here's a rough breakdown and some explanations, for everyone that's curious. This is specifically in regards to international adoption as I'm learning about it- domestic adoption is along the same lines in terms of cost, but the fees can be different. 

1. You are not "buying" a child, you're paying for the process. Money is not going to the birth parent in exchange for his/her baby- that's child trafficking. No, no, no. 

2. The expenses add up really quickly. In the last few weeks, we have paid for passports, three sets of fingerprints each, processing for FBI, state (both CA and OR), local, and Child Abuse Registry background checks, plus postage for these documents. Just those add up to around $500- and they're not usually included in agency expense breakdowns.  There are more coming, too- that's just so far.

3. A lot of time and effort goes into every.single.scrap.of. information.  We have been in contact with so many different people at both agencies (our Oregon home study agency and our placing agency, based out of Minnesota) that are invested in one portion of the legal steps for adoption- the $500, $350, $250 bills for application reading, reviewing, and processing are not out of the question. If it took me somewhere around 10 hours (give or take) to write just the personal profile, imagine how much time it takes the people reading that for both me and Paul. Yikes.

4.  There are a lot of legal requirements, and they cost money. Post-placement supervision, program coordination, post-placement reports- these are all required by law to ensure that the family is prepared, placed with the right child, and not alone after the child comes home. I haven't gone through this before, but I'm guessing they're laws for a reason- it's a difficult process, and someone needs to help the parents while also ensuring that the child is safe. These are in the thousands-of-dollars range. Each.

5. The US isn't the only country involved. There are in-country fees so their government can process the dossier (your personal profiles) and pay for the care of the child until we come to bring them home. These fees total almost $20k for the Marshall Islands side of this. Part of that pays for our baby's foster care (which we're happy to do because it means they're not languishing in an orphanage, which can often be the case), but the other part is similar to how we (the US) break down our fees- the numbers just look bigger since we send all of the payments at once. 

6. Obviously we wish it cost less, but the numbers make sense. I also believe that if more families adopted, the prices of parts of this would go down, because governments would be able to devote more people to adoption-related jobs, thus streamlining the process even more.  That's just my guess, though. 

That's just a little overview. This isn't meant to be disheartening, only enlightening. There is no cheap way to bring a baby home (as any parent can tell you) and we're excited to see how the funds for each step come in. 

Updates:

NEW FUNDRAISERS!!!! 
The next blog post will be more in-depth, but two new fundraisers are here that you can participate in NOW!
1- Just Love Coffee Roasters. This is a great organization specifically designed for adopting families to sign up, create a storefront, and then earn a portion of the proceeds from every purchase. For every coffee bag purchase, we earn $5! (And they're only $10 to begin with! Yay!) It's really, really that simple, and the coffee is de-lish. There's also non-coffee related paraphernalia, for those people that aren't into coffee (?). Here's the link for our storefront. If you're comfortable sharing this link, every little bit helps. Thank you!
2- We signed up as Amazon Associates, so if you click the link on our page in order to get to Amazon, we'll get 10% of the purchase price. Seriously, that's it. Go to Amazon through our site, and we get money for it. I'm lookin' at you, Erik. Click here to buy through our associates account. I'm working on making this easier to access without looking terrible.

Other updates- We think we're done with the paperwork (cross those fingers!), and we're working on ed hours. Yay! Thanks for all your love and support. 

Why we are adopting...

Adoption wasn't a scenario that came to one of us in the middle of the night like a dream, nor was it something a counselor or doctor recommended to us. When people ask us, "Why adopt?" there are dozens of voices in my head, clamoring to answer the question with whichever aspect of adoption is most rooted in my heart at the moment- because the truth is, we are adopting for SO MANY reasons. For the moment, I'm going to let several of the loudest voices in my brain be given a chance to speak and explain a few of the many facets of our perspectives on this.

The practical perspective:

Adoption makes sense for our family. As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease (during the most stressful week of my life) three and a half years ago. What not many people know was that this came as one in a series of diagnoses over the span of about two years, determining that I had four different hormone-related diseases/conditions. None of these mean we can't conceive- we have not received a diagnosis of infertility- but it's been difficult for us. We knew that fertility treatments, if we attempted them, would create a potentially long, difficult, painful road for us. The expense of fertility treatments was additionally difficult for us to consider, when we knew that it might not work, and a similar amount of money would allow us to bring home a child that already existed and needed a family to care for him/her.

We also knew that in our families ran heart disease, alcoholism, mental illness, diabetes, and a whole host of other things that make our genes kind of a cesspool. Why attempt to force that into a baby? Yikes. If we conceived a girl, as well, there's roughly a 75% chance she would end up with most of my hormonal complications. 

We decided a while ago that we didn't want to pursue fertility treatments for these reasons, and chose adoption instead. 

The emotional perspective:

I love kids. I have known and loved children that were in no way mine- kids that go home to other parents, parents that love them, and parents that don't. My heart has broken for these kids, been overwhelmed with pride on their behalf- loving kids is easy. It has never, ever entered my mind that I would not be able to love the child that comes home with us, and it breaks my heart to consider that for some children, there is no one to show them that love.

Paul, on the other hand, likes kids well enough- he sort of views them as cute aliens. He doesn't instantly grab someone's newborn, and this wasn't a very emotional process for him, even though he is really, really excited. It seems natural for people at our stage to have murky emotions- we don't know anything at all about our child, and we're operating on a lot of faith.

The silver lining perspective:

I owe a lot of this to a close friend, so let me explain. Several years ago, I was having a rough go of it. I couldn't understand why we weren't pregnant, I avoided baby showers like the plague, and I was bitter- not something I'm proud of, but there it is. I was working with a woman that literally got me through that. She and her husband had planned on adoption from the get-go, and she was thrilled at its prospect.   Being one of the more quick-witted people I know, she would make me laugh about the silver linings in not being pregnant- my feet stay the same size, I don't have to run to the bathroom all the time, etc.- and a weight was slowly lifted off of me. I grieved still, obviously, but I was also rejoicing in the idea of what we wouldn't have to go through instead of lamenting over all of the things I was missing. Beyond the hope she instilled in me, she was my silver lining, and she's probably gagging over how cheesy this is. The reality was, however, that she gave me a new lens to view this through- not only was this the best option, but it was an awesome one. 

The right-place-at-the-right-time perspective:

About five years ago, I pulled aside one of my best friends in the middle of a conference and told her I thought Paul and I would adopt. I had no idea at this point that we were going to have fertility issues, nor did I have any idea how we would go about this- I just felt like it was where we were headed. Not long after, I met a family that was in the middle of their first adoption, and she- the mother- graciously let me ask her every inappropriate question I could think of (and then her husband let Paul do the same). I honestly wish I could say that we would have adopted if we hadn't known her, but I truthfully don't know. Her family set our feet on this path, whether she knew it or not. She continues to answer any inappropriate questions, shares awkward stories with me, and thankfully never slapped me when I said unintentionally rude things (like asking if she could have "her own" kids. BARF. If you've ever seen her kids, you would know that they are hers, whether or not their skin color matches. Collectively, as a world of people that say rude things accidentally, can we please get in the habit of saying "bio kids" or something? It's an ignorance that we don't even notice, and I made the mistake a million times. Please, please, please be careful about inferring that adopted kids are not our own.). 

Also, during this time, we met our wonderful friends that inspired our decision to adopt from the Marshall Islands- if you haven't read about it, you should so I don't rehash it all in the middle of this already long post.

The idealism perspective:

We believe, wholeheartedly, that adoption is a worthy calling. We also believe that we don't live in a culture where adoption is talked about much, or it's relegated to crazy people and celebrities. We are thrilled at the idea that, in a small way, our family can help to change that. Adoption can, and should, be happening more often. The more people that adopt, the easier the process should become, worldwide.  This doesn't necessarily mean everyone should adopt, but everyone can help somehow- case in point, all you lovely people that have been so wonderful to us! Without help, people that are interested in adoption might not be able to- those that help in a myriad of ways are just as vital to changing the culture of adoption. 

Please know that adoption is not a runner-up decision, and it is not a consolation prize. Even if we could conceive, we would still adopt. It's become rooted in who we are, and we're thankful for that.

Updates:

Nothing to speak of- paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork- although we're nearing the end of this phase. Now we're on to education hours- wahoo! 

To all that have offered to help, THANK YOU. We are continuing to figure out fundraising options, and we will post more. Until next week, we love you all!

Sending out an S.O.S.

This week, I'm going to answer the question that we've been hearing a lot- a question that warms my heart and leaves me speechless- "How can I/we help?"

Talk about amazing- I am in awe of the number of people that have already helped us in a million ways, and the number of people that have offered to help us bring our baby home. Let me begin by truly, from both of us, saying THANK YOU. Thank you for the love, consideration, and compassion that you have already shown us- the smallest things can make the biggest difference, and we have been blown away. There is no doubt in our minds that we couldn't do this alone, so thank you!

Now, to actually answer the question- a few things that you can do...

Fundraising. We are trying to be really creative about how we raise this money, because it costs so. much. money. and we don't have it all. We have been saving for a while, but we definitely don't have the means to save for this whole thing right now- it would take us YEARS to come up with the money for this- I definitely didn't get into teaching for the paycheck. 

Anyways, here's how you can help with that: 

Give us your junk. Or your not-junk, that's okay too. We have already gotten many donations for stuff we will be selling on Craigslist, Ebay, and at garage sales. We'll take it all! 

Make crafty stuff. More details about this will come soon, but a friend and I are simultaneously fundraising for our adoptions, and we're planning on starting an annual craft bazaar (we're estimating in April). Ideally, we will do this every year and create a fund for others that are adopting. Any type of help would be awesome- donations, manning a table, running the cash box, etc.- whatever your skill set, we can use it. 

Airline miles. A major cost is the flight, and if you accumulate airlines miles and would be willing to donate them, let us know! In reality, there are a few airlines we could take out to Hawaii, but Alaska is the cheapest and most frequent. From Hawaii to the Marshall Islands, United seems to be the most consistent airline on that route, so miles for either of those two airlines would be awesome- it could cut down on our expenses in a major way. 

Other donations. It's awkward to talk about money (yuck), but there are also ways to just make a straight donation- we have had people give cash and use PayPal- please email me or comment if you would like to do that. It's still a little weird to me, but really, it has been super humbling how many people believe in what we're doing. 

Encouragement/Well wishes/Prayers. Whatever your fancy, it's all appreciated. We know how little we know about this- this is the steepest learning curve EVER. Not only are we figuring out how we're going to parent, we're figuring out how to raise tens of thousands of dollars, and how to approach having a transracial family, and how to navigate the waters of adoption in general- the legal process, the paperwork... whoa. I have heard from many adoptive families that these notes of encouragement got them through the process, especially in the home stretch. 

Learn about adoption. I wrote a whole paragraph and then deleted it, because it boils down to this. Not everyone is meant to adopt- that's okay. Everyone can help adoptive families, though. Please consider how you can do this in your area.

Updates!

I realize that I've already skipped a week (whoops), but I guess there's no better way to set the bar low- I have a feeling y'all are going to have to get used to me missing posts as things get busy.

Currently, we're in the middle of the fun stuff at the beginning of the home study- the paperwork (whawhawhaaa). When we're done with this chunk, we will have completed 188 pages (I'm keeping count out of morbid curiosity), and we have many, many more to go. Some of this is out of our hands- we have to wait for our FBI background checks to return, letters of recommendation from friends and family to be sent in, even a vet's note about our dogs certifying that they're disease-free and okay to be with kids. While those trickle in, we can start our education hours, and then the meetings in-home with the social worker. A friend of mine recently told me, "Appreciate this phase now- it's the only thing you can control. The rest is just waiting." We're trying to be content with this time, which isn't easy when you're 45 pages deep in the weirdest, longest personal profile you've ever filled out, but still- I'll probably beg for more paperwork when we're just waiting for our referral.

Until next week (?), thanks for your support and love!

Why the Marshall Islands?

One of the first questions people always ask is, "Why the Marshall Islands?"  ("Why adopt?" is probably the actual first question, but that's a post for another time.)  And so, in the best way I know how, I'll attempt to answer the question that may well define our family's future.

Logistically, the Marshall Islands made sense for a lot of reasons- the program is a small and short one, with infants only- two less-than-common things in international adoption. While someday we might pursue an older child, we wanted to begin as young as possible the first time around, and we were willing to wait longer, but definitely wanted to start our family sooner if possible. This specific program also requires a month-long stay in-country, and we reasoned that there may come a time (after our first child, for example) when it would not be possible for us to commit to a stay like this, so we wanted to do this while we still could.


Beyond the practical details, though, there was something much deeper. There was a time when it looked like adopting from RMI (The Republic of Marshall Islands) was going to be impossible- the waiting list was long- the original estimate was as long as 6 years before we could even START the program, and then a yearish to complete the program... it didn't seem like an option. And yet, I kept our names on the waiting list, hoping that something miraculous would change. We looked into many, many other programs, and still nothing felt right... until 9 months went by and we were invited to join the program, years before we thought we could.

Yuki's first birthday

Amaya's baptism

When we moved to Oregon, Paul became fast friends with a coworker named Kel (from Saipan), and that relationship blossomed. He and his wife Marci (from the Marshall Islands) welcomed us into their lives, and when they had their first baby, we fell in love. How could you not? Yuki was adorable, and when her birthday came up, we offered to help throw the traditionally ENORMOUS first birthday party. I mean hundreds-of-Pacific-Islanders-making-enough-food-to-feed-all-of-Portland enormous, which is a kind of enormous I hadn't ever really been exposed to or understood before. We were welcomed with open arms into their loving family and community (although you could pick our laughably pale skin out of their crowd). We also got to see something that Kel and Marci took for granted as normal- their continual openness to having people stay with them (usually family members)- despite their home being packed to the brim on occasion. We have also had a few people live with us in the past, and we try to keep our doors open for anyone that needs a home, and their giving-with-both-hands love and hospitality was (and continues to be) inspiring to us.

Amaya's first birthday

So, when their second daughter, Amaya, was born a little over a year later, we were honored to be asked to be her godparents. And since we had practice, we were involved with Amaya's first birthday too- and of course, we had a blast with Kel, Marci, the girls, and the hundreds of others that let us be a part of their lives for these special moments.


Our relationship with their family has only increased- but it's more than just them. This family that we love showed us a culture that values community and family in a way that was uniquely touching in our lives. Maybe it was the phase of life, maybe it was those precious girls... but it felt natural and special for us to want to bring our baby home from RMI.

When we first talked to Kel and Marci almost a year ago about the prospect of adopting from the Marshall Islands, they offered to help immediately, and assured us that they would do everything they could- yet again reminding us why a place we've yet to even visit has taken up such a big place in our heart.



Updates: We've begun our home study paperwork- huzzah! We have also been working on fundraising, thanks to people donating items we can sell and just plain donating- every little bit chips away at the enormous bill that comes with adoption. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your encouragement, blessings, prayers, well wishes, and enthusiasm- it has been such an overwhelmingly positive week! We will continue to update- love you all!

Our Adoption- Just the Beginning

I'm certain the title has given this away, but it's official- we have begun the adoption process!

We officially decided to grow our family through adoption over a year ago, but only recently did we decide to apply to a program to bring home an infant from the Marshall Islands! In the larger scheme of things, this is just the beginning, but the journey just to get to the starting line has felt like a long one, and so we are extremely thankful to be able to share this with everyone.

 Here's where we're at right now:

Short term: We have been accepted by both our local agency and our placement agency- yay! We will be beginning our home study soon, and that takes as long as we make it take- we can try to complete it quickly, or go through it as slowly as necessary. We have no intentions of moving slowly, but there are schedules and things that we have to work around. This is basically the first step after being accepted.

Long term: The program we're in is a quick one, considering the pace of most international adoptions. In theory, we could be placed with our baby within 6 months, or as late as 12 months from now, but nothing is guaranteed- we have to roll with the punches. As any adoptive family can tell you, we are learning how much goes into adopting a child in even the simplest circumstances- and there are no simple circumstances. As a result, we don't know more than we do know in some respects.

In the meantime: We are SO thankful for the love and support we have already received. We will try to update this blog weekly, posting any updates as the come up, answering any questions that come up, and giving more information about events and fundraisers that will help us bring our baby home. We love you all so very much!