Balance

Thoughts and news intermingled, as usual.

We obviously didn't intend to enter foster care- foster care found us instead through two adorable little boys. We weren't totally prepared for what that meant for our family, and we had spent so long preparing for a very different adoption journey.

As I've tried to explain before, the next step for us is a committee date- the Placement Committee is when a panel of people that are involved with DHS in different ways, many as volunteers, decide whether or not Paul and I get named as the primary adoptive resource for the boys. They will either say "Yes! Go do the home study now!" or "Mehhhh…. let's see who else is out there." The silver lining is that because we have established what's called a "Significant Relationship" with them (and yes, this is an official title) that we can't be told no completely yet- if this committee says no, we still get viewed with other adoptive resources at another committee, which would happen weeks afterwards. In theory, even if they say no, we would have another chance.

But they won't say no… right?

The struggle for us with this process has been that we know all too well that it might NOT be us chosen, and that we are investing in these worthy, incredible boys without knowing if we'll see how things turn out. We have to prepare ourselves for the worst, but also invest like we expect the best.

That's not to say that we wouldn't invest in them anyway- whether they stay with us or not- but there has to be a balance. 1 y.o. is the one that started calling us Mommy and Daddy first. For both of these boys, we are not the only people that have held these titles, and we promised ourselves that we would never ASK them to call us that until we knew the outcome… but you also can't tell a 1y.o. (or a 3 y.o.) to call you something else and then change your mind- you can't say, "No! I'm Kirsten!" and then say, "Well, NOW you can call me Mommy," without confusing the heck out of them and possibly retraumatizing them.  So we answer to Mommy and Daddy, praying that we're going to be the last people they call that, but knowing that it will break our hearts if we're not.  We have to keep those smiles even when we know that the implications are much more serious than they realize.

So… our Placement Committee is this Thursday, at 8:30 am. We are in for part of the meeting, and then out for the other part. There is a chance that we will know at the end of the committee, around 10 am, what their choice is. They have up to 24 hours, though, to make the decision. So by Friday, we will know if it's a yes or not. Prayers, warm thoughts, well-wishes… they would all be appreciated because I am SURE we will be wrecks.

Until then, we're trying to maintain a balance between 1)enjoying the time we know we have while worrying ourselves into a breakdown and 2) reassuring ourselves that this is still  just the beginning for our family.  It's the same tightrope walk that has dictated the last 6 months- balancing between giving them everything and not losing ourselves in the process.

Thanks again for all of the support and encouragement- we have been shown such extreme love and grace. You are wonderful and we SO appreciate knowing that we're not alone! We love you all!